Conversations:
Dab, thanks for talking to CONVERSATIONS today. You’ve been active in HIV advocacy for many years. Before that, I want to talk to you about the beginning because many people don’t know about the HIV epidemic. Not those under 50. You were diagnosed in what year? Tell us how you were feeling BEFORE you were diagnosed? When you went to see a doctor for the first time?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
I was diagnosed on 2/14/82 when it was still called GRID (gay related immunity deficiency) on the west coast and gay cancer on the east coast. I had pneumonia when I went to the emergency room. (PCP).
Eight months earlier my first partner died in quarantine. My best friend died in 3/81.
I had been depressed because of them passing and then freaked when I was placed in quarantine and not allowed any visitors.
Conversations:
When your partner got this disease, what was it called? Was it known to be contagious? Were you thinking that you too were going to get it? What type of emotional space were you in at this time? Did you know tens, scores of people who had it?
How was your partner treated?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
Not sure when he was infected. It was just starting to be seen in 1980 and 1981. So he had no idea. We had been together since 1977. We met on a photo shoot where he was the photographer.
They had just started calling it GRID at that time and didn’t know how it was transmitted.
The hardest part was having to watch him die through a window and not being able to hold him.
I had given a teddy bear to my best friend who had died in March since I was a hairy gay man (is bear). I figured since he wasn’t allowed visitors that it would give him something to hold and let him know someone cared. That’s how Dab the AIDS bear started even though it wasn’t called that until after ‘85
Conversations:
They put your in quarantine? Which hospital and city were you in? So at that point, they had no idea how it was transmitted? What were you treated with? This was a treatment not available to you partner or friend?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
By 1989,I had known over 5000 people both friends, fellow activists and others who had lost their battle with AIDS.
I stopped keeping track in 1993 when it passed 10,000.
Conversations:
That’s horrific, Dab.
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
Yes. San Francisco General Hospital. It wasn’t called HIV and AIDS until 1983 when the American and French scientists figured out it was a virus.
I was treated with antibiotics for the pcp. Luckily my immune system was still strong to beat the pneumonia.
Conversations:
AZT was the first treatment? When was that offered to people?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
There wasn’t any meds for HIV until 1986. AZT.
Then by 1989 we also had Zerit and Epivir
Conversations:
You had HIV but never developed AIDS during that four years? What were you treated with? What type of condition were you in?!
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
AZT made me sick as a dog so I wouldn’t take it. Everyone that I knew who continued on it died.
Conversations:
You came off AZT? And what treatment if any did you take?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
I was lucky because I was born with the CCR5Delta 32 gene anomaly which helped my body fight the virus. (Found that out by doing trial studies at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda Maryland.
Conversations
Were meds developed to mimic the gene anomaly?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
So I didn’t take meds again until 1993 when I was in the trial study for Norvir (the first protease inhibitor.
Yes. One of the trial studies I did at NIH was to figure out how some of us were still well after more than several years of living with the virus. It’s mainly people descended from European heritage who have the CCR25
Conversations:
Interesting, Dab, how do you feel being 1 of 10,000 to survive? Was it like being in a move where you’re the sole survivor of some apocalypse like Cormac McCarthy’s The Road? Or that Emily Blunt movie, “A Quiet Place.” Where you wake up and you’re the only one alive?
How do you process that?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
It was very hard over the years. Burying 3 partners, a daughter and countless friends. They put a term on it in the late 80s called survivor’s guilt
Luckily, I was smart enough to see psychiatrist to help me process my feelings. Even with that help I became severely depressed when my 2nd partner and also our daughter lost their battle with AIDS in 1989. She passed in Aug 89 and he passed in Oct 89. Their ashes are at the National AIDS Grove in San Francisco
My ashes will be put in the same spot when I pass.
Conversations:
Dab, the strength of your spirit is awesome. You were able to harness that and to invest it in advocacy. Take CONVERSATIONS back to the beginning of your work there. Does Dab the AIDS bear go back to 1985?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
Between the time of their 2 deaths, we had the big earthquake on oct 9, 1989 which destroyed our home and our dog was killed. It was the only time I was glad Brad was in the hospital.
Conversations:
It would be too much for most people to endure . . .
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
I actually started raising hell in ‘84 when the mayor of San Francisco didn’t want to say the word AIDS. Then in a national level in the beguiling ‘85 because Reagan wouldn’t talk about it.
Conversations:
What type of advocacy were you involved in? Like ACT UP? And those type of groups?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
We also had meetings in my home when people made it out of the hospital. Guess you could call them one of the first support and advocacy meetings.
Conversations:
What was your charter? What was your flag?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
Yes, but ACT Up didn’t start until the middle 80s if I remember correctly.
The red ribbon didn’t start being used until ‘89. We did Die In’s with styrofoam tombstone and signs.
So it was more educating and advocacy than a flag.
Conversations:
Tell me about Dabs the AIDS bear and what you’re doing now? I believe you’re national and have efforts in multiple cities. Bring CONVERSATIONS upto date with what you’re doing now? What the focus of your efforts are?
And please share your link so supporters can find you.
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
We have our yearly Christmas events for kids with HIV in 24 countries. Started the events with just one party in San Francisco after Candace (our daughter) died in Aug ‘89. Christmas had been her favorite holiday.
The last day of her life, I was trying to lift her spirits and asked her what she would like to do… she looked up at me and asked me to promise to make other children like her feel loved. I promised her I would and that’s how the Teddy Bear Touchdown events started. The first year was 16 kids in San Francisco. Now we do over 1100 parties world wide for roughly 200,000 children a year.
Conversations:
That’s so fantastic. I didn’t realize how big you had become.
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
We also do advocacy along with our Ambassadors of Hope on a local, state, national and international level.
Conversations:
So you give 200,000 teddy bears away each year?!
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
We offer testing at events where we speak around the world. Aids walks, rides, lgbt events and Minority and women’s events. We also have food banks, emotional and service animals at many locations. Provide dog and cat food (also immunizations) for low income people with HIV.
Conversations:
That’s so inspirational, Dab. How are you funded? Do you have some major sponsors? Or is all small donation based?
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
http://www.dabtheaidsbearproject.com/
People can click on the Teddy Bear Touchdown selection go to the bottom of the page and sponsor one or more children at $25 per child. Each child gets a reedy bear. Their parent or guardian then goes to a room to pick out another gift, wrap it and take it home for the child to open on Christmas Day. We also raffle off bigger gifts like bikes, sporting good, clothing etc. along with food baskets and grocery gift cards so they can have a nice Christmas dinner.
Conversations:
And the children sponsored have various diseases? HIV? Low income? All of the above.
DAB – the AIDS Bear:
We have both types of sponsors. It costs between $6 and $6.5 million a year just to do the Christmas parties for the kids. But the past three years we haven’t raised enough and had to turn away children for the first times.
About 90 percent of the children live with HIV and are low income. There are also some low income children with other terminal illnesses that we allow. This is usually when the party is being done in a hospital, children’s clinic or orphanage.
Everyone at the project is a volunteer so at least we don’t have to worry about payroll.
Conversations:
Such crucial work, Dab. Thanks so much for talking to CONVERSATIONS today. You’re so inspiring.
